MY STORY

I have always been fascinated by sex, intimacy, emotions, relational patterns and pleasure. As well as studying and exploring these topics professionally, I’ve had plenty of my own experiences along the way.

Being passionate about these topics didn't mean they came easy for me. Negative sexual experiences early on in my life created deep blockages and challenges in my ability to feel safety, pleasure and connection with a partner. I struggled with anxious attachment, surrendering to orgasm, and felt out of touch with my voice, my authentic expression and my body in general.

After years of ignoring these parts of myself, I finally decided that I had to make a change. With the support of a sexological bodyworker and intimacy coach, I began to heal the wounds of my past and restore my natural deliciousness. I was able to open up to a much greater experience of pleasure, orgasms, self-expression and to connect on a deeper level with partners. I learnt to recognise what brings me pleasure, I learned to voice my desires, my needs and my boundaries, and to feel safe to be myself. I learnt to stop ‘performing’ pleasure and actually feel it.

These positive changes rippled outwards, impacting how I showed up in the world. My confidence, self-esteem and self-worth all improved, and I experienced so much more pleasure, not just in the bedroom, but in all spaces of my life.

This personal journey naturally evolved into a professional one. Since experiencing the radically transformative power of somatic sexology in my own life, I have devoted myself to sharing this knowledge and helping others on their own path. I am now a Certified Somatica® Sex and Relationship Coach, Sexological Bodyworker, and Sexologist. I am also qualified as a Youth Sex Educator.

Today, I work with individuals, couples and groups from around the world, helping them navigate their own paths to greater pleasure, intimacy and fulfilment. I’ve had the privilege of working extensively with people of all ages, genders, sexual identities, and relationship dynamics. People come to me for a huge variety of reasons. Some of my clients have something definitive they want to work on, while others arrive with a nagging sense that they are missing something in their sexual or intimate lives, but aren’t quite sure what.

My sessions are a welcoming, supportive space for anyone and everyone to express themselves, explore vulnerable topics and be seen and celebrated, just as they are.

Somatic Sexologist (American Board of Sexology Certified)
Sexological Bodywork practicioner
Sex & Relationship Coach (Somatica® Certified)
Certified Youth Sex Educator

What can I help you with?

OVERCOME SEXUAL
CHALLENGES

  • Low libido

  • Difficulty climaxing / orgasming

  • Painful sex

  • Erectile dysfunction

  • Early / delayed ejaculation

  • Scar remediation

  • Sexual anxiety and insecurity

  • Address body shame and other limiting inhibitions

  • Finding intimacy post childbirth

  • Heal from past negative experiences

  • Sexual rehabilitation after major life changes

FEEL EROTICALLY
EMPOWERED

  • Explore your erotic blueprint

  • Increase your capacity to feel aroused and experience pleasure.

  • Genital mapping

  • Stay present and less distracted during intimacy

  • Build confidence and learn new lovemaking skills.

  • Cultivate an empowering self-pleasure practise

  • Expand your idea of orgasms

  • Explore fantasies, BDSM and kink

  • Adapt to your changing sexuality with ageing.

BUILD A THRIVING
RELATIONSHIP

  • Reawaken desire in sexless relationships.

  • Bridge mismatched sexual desires

  • Develop secure attachment

  • Learn to repair and resolve underlying resentment and tension.

  • Develop communication skills for discussing sensitive topics

  • Navigate needs, desires and boundaries

  • Bring novelty and playfulness into the bedroom

  • Navigate non-monogamy and other relationship structures

  • Rebuild trust after infidelity

MY APPROACH

What is Somatic Sexology?

Somatic sexology combines experiential learning, conversation and educational elements, helping you expand your skills and beliefs around sex, intimacy and relationships. You will be invited to practise research-backed exercises, all tailored to your specific needs, while I provide you with real-time guidance and feedback in a safe and supportive environment. There are many shapes learning can take in a session, from role playing, movement, sound and awareness, to anatomical understanding, breathwork and mindful touch – there is no one size fits all.

This work can be confronting, but that is also why it can be so incredibly powerful. Many of my clients have never spoken about certain issues before, or have never had an accepting space to explore them. With me, they do. As a warm, attuned, and deeply empathetic person, I show up as my authentic self in every session, creating a loving, encouraging atmosphere. I strive to meet my clients where they are; our work is guided by their intentions and moves at their pace. My role as a sexologist is not to ‘fix’ you – you’re not broken – but to hold that space for you, to see you, and to help you come to see that it is safe to be yourself.

★★★★★

“We are in a totally different place now”

My husband and I were at a dead end when we turned to Ilil’s help, and I'm so glad we chose to work with her.

She helped us see each other in an all new way, to actually understand each other's experience with empathy and compassion, and to find practical and doable solutions .

We were able to regain trust in each other and in our relationship. We are in a totally different place now, much happier and secure with each other.

- Tristen & Loren -

★★★★★

“Learning the tools of relationship repair radically transformed our marriage.”

We finally have the tools, awareness and actual experience in navigating challenging conversations.

Because we are able to have these vulnerable conversations, I now feel much more open and attracted to my husband.

I can’t believe we don’t learn this in school.

- Susan -

★★★★★

“Ilil helped me rediscover and love my sexuality after years of suppression”

I am so thankful to feel safe to express aspects of my sexuality in which I have suppressed and judged, and haven't even exposed to my therapist as I felt ashamed of its uncommon nature.

Ilil has helped me rediscover and love these aspect of myself. She helped me heal trauma and reclaim my power and sense of safety in all areas of life.

- L.R -

Questions? I’m here for you.

  • As professionals equipped with specialized tools and knowledge, sex coaches can help us overcome difficulties and enhance sexual satisfaction.

    Here’s what happens in a typical office or Zoom visit with a sex coach:

    1. The coach will listen to your experiences and feelings around the sexual issues you are having.

    2. They will ask you questions about the history of the problem, and find out all the information they need to help you.

    3. Depending on the specific approach they embrace as a coach (more on that below), they will talk with you about ways to address the problem. They might suggest videos or homework to watch. Practice tools in session could include breathwork, movement, self-touch, learning touch skills, and communication tools. And, always, they will help you move through shame and become more empowered around your sexual issues.

    4. Lastly, your coach will talk you through how you can further implement these changes into your life.

  • While sex therapy can involve diving into childhood wounds with lingering effects on your adult life, sex coaching focuses on actionable tools and exercises to help you overcome your erotic roadblocks. That’s why sex therapy is often helpful to those with unresolved trauma or higher levels of dysfunction

  • The biggest issues couples face are around differences in beliefs and needs around money, sex, and child-rearing. While a relationship coach and a marriage coach have very similar approaches to these, couple’s therapy is quite different.

    In couple’s therapy, you are limited to only talking through issues. Many therapists do not have any experiential tools to offer.

    Relationship coaching for couples, however – especially if it is somatically-based or experiential – offers tactile practices that help overcome challenging dynamics in a relationship. They can also work to intensify intimacy and attachment, and provide tools for relationship repair during challenging times.

  • Research shows that online therapeutic sessions are as effective as in-person ones. They even come with a whole set of additional benefits like:

    1. ACCESSIBILITY. There are plenty of physical barriers to accessing in-person professional help. Online sessions help sweep these geographic hurdles aside. Distance is no longer a barrier. There is someone ready and waiting to help you at the click of a button.

    2. TIME. In our hectic lives, ‘me time’ can be hard to come by. You might have a frantic schedule and work irregular hours. Or perhaps you’re a single parent or a carer who’s always racing against the clock. Online sessions fit comfortably around your schedule.

    3. PRIVACY. For some, online therapy offers a comforting sense of privacy. Plus there are plenty of security measures in place to protect your privacy online.

    4. HOME COMFORTS. Let’s face it: opening up and talking about how we’re really feeling can be tough, vulnerable and exposed. But, sometimes, it’s the little things that make it easier. Many folks feel more comfortable opening up online than in person. It may feel less daunting. Or perhaps you’d feel more at ease if you could snuggle up on your sofa with a cozy pair of bedroom slippers.

  • I believe that cost should not be a barrier to receiving support.

    For this reason, a number of sessions are reserved each month for those in need of financial support. 

    Please contact me for more information.

  • A relationship coach is someone who supports individuals and couples in learning vital skills for relating, especially in marriages and romantic partnerships. Relationship coaches teach you to develop conflict resolution skills and offer tools to deepen intimacy and pleasure.

  • In the broadest sense, a sexologist is someone who studies or researches sex. However, the term sexologist is also used to describe someone who works in a private or group practice. They are engaged in helping people resolve sexual issues and challenges, much like a sex therapist – though there are some differences

  • First off – it’s vital to know that sex coaching does not involve sex. Practitioners always keep their clothes on – the only professionals legally allowed to have sex with clients are sexual surrogates – and you must be in treatment with a sex therapist to see a surrogate legally.

    That being said, experiential sex coaches can use hands-on methods to teach sexual skills. They can also practice certain types of touch and seduction, within legal boundaries. For example, a sex coach can teach arousing types of touch for the body, physical disinhibition, and passionate touch.

  • Intimacy Coaching is INTIMATE. It’s really important that we click. Before starting our first session, we will meet for a short introduction call (free of charge) and see if we suit and want to work together.

    If I’m not able to support you, I will do my best to suggest other skilled practitioner who potentially can.