It is time to create the relationship that you so deeply desire.

The quality of your relationship impacts the quality of your life.

I can help you and your partner to:

Build a resilient relationship

  • Develop secure attachment and build a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

  • Understand and communicate your needs, desires and boundaries. 

  • Learn to repair and resolve underlying resentment and tension.

  • Understand each other’s love languages and attachment styles.

  • Develop communication skills for discussing sensitive topics without blame and shame.

  • Navigate non-monogamy or other relationship structures.

  • Reconnect after major life changes such as children, grief, or trauma.

  • Rebuild trust after infidelity.

Experience more pleasure together

  • Reawaken desire and intimacy in a sexless relationships.

  • Bridge the gap between different levels of desire.

  • Expand your sexual menu and bring novelty and playfulness into the bedroom.

  • Explore your fantasies with each other.

  • Try new things like BDSM, role play and more while ensuring you both feel safe and seen.

  • Become a better lover to each other, build confidence and learn new lovemaking skills.

  • Work together through sexual challenges such as low libido, pain during sex, erectile dysfunctions, premature ejaculation, difficulty to orgasm and other issues.

So few of us have the knowledge or the tools we need to build strong, fulfilling and long-lasting love – because we’ve never been taught how to.

It’s time to change that.

WHAT IS INTIMACY COACHING?

WHAT TO EXPECT

Our sessions together will combine deep conversations and educational elements with hands-on practice. We will explore what both partners are experiencing and identify your growing edges. Guided by your desires and intentions, we’ll take practical steps towards making your ideal relationship a reality.

With a strong focus on experiential learning, my approach is radically different from conventional talk therapy. If you were taking a dance class, you wouldn’t expect to learn by reading a book or talking about dance – you would practise together to learn the moves. The same is true for intimacy; to learn, talking is not enough – you must do.

You and your partner will be invited to practise research-backed exercises, all tailored to your specific needs, while I provide you with real-time guidance and feedback in a safe and supportive environment. The skills you’ll learn will not only help you bring about lasting shifts in your intimate relationship, but can transform your experience of life. 

I’M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE

GET TO KNOW ME

I am an Intimacy, Sex and Relationship Coach and a Somatic Sexologist who specialises in helping couples experience more pleasure and fulfilment – not just during sex, but in every part of their relationship.

 I bring a unique, holistic approach to my practice, drawing on a wide range of advanced therapeutic methods in the field of couples and sexuality coaching. My sessions are a judgement-free space where every person, and every relationship structure, is welcomed and celebrated, just as they are.

I’ve worked extensively with couples and individuals of all ages, genders, sexual identities, and relationship dynamics. Exploring intimate topics can be challenging; I am committed to creating a comfortable space for everyone to express themselves and be seen.

If you’d like to hear more about my approach, I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if I can help you and if we’re a good fit.

Certified Sexologist - American Board of Sexology
Somatica® Sex & Relationship Coach
Somatica® Couples Trained
Certified Youth Sex Educator

Appointments offered online worldwide or in-person in Nelson, New Zealand.

TESTIMONIALS

★★★★★

“Working with Ilil literally changed my life”

Working with Ilil literally changed my life. I lived for years in a sexless marriage. After only a few sessions with Ilil, things have progressed radically for me and my wife.  Last night we used what we learned in sessions, and my wife just couldn't get enough of me, can you believe it? 15 minutes after we made love she came back for more. That never happened before. I feel like I’m alive again.
Thank you!

- George

★★★★★

“We are in a totally different place now”

My husband and I were at a dead end when we turned to Ilil’s help, and I'm so glad we chose to work with her. She helped us see each other in an all new way, to actually understand each other's experience with empathy and compassion, and to find practical and doable solutions . We were able to regain trust in each other and in our relationship. We are in a totally different place now,  much happier and secure with each other.

- Tristen & Loren

ARE YOU READY TO BEGIN?

ENQUIRE NOW

Ready to take the first step towards a healthier and more fulfilling connection? Contact me today by filling out the form below to enquire about my coaching services and schedule your free 15 minute consultation.

Questions? I’m here for you.

  • As professionals equipped with specialized tools and knowledge, sex coaches can help us overcome difficulties and enhance sexual satisfaction.

    Here’s what happens in a typical office or Zoom visit with a sex coach:

    1. The coach will listen to your experiences and feelings around the sexual issues you are having.

    2. They will ask you questions about the history of the problem, and find out all the information they need to help you.

    3. Depending on the specific approach they embrace as a coach (more on that below), they will talk with you about ways to address the problem. They might suggest videos or homework to watch. Practice tools in session could include breathwork, movement, self-touch, learning touch skills, and communication tools. And, always, they will help you move through shame and become more empowered around your sexual issues.

    4. Lastly, your coach will talk you through how you can further implement these changes into your life.

  • While sex therapy can involve diving into childhood wounds with lingering effects on your adult life, sex coaching focuses on actionable tools and exercises to help you overcome your erotic roadblocks. That’s why sex therapy is often helpful to those with unresolved trauma or higher levels of dysfunction

  • The biggest issues couples face are around differences in beliefs and needs around money, sex, and child-rearing. While a relationship coach and a marriage coach have very similar approaches to these, couple’s therapy is quite different.

    In couple’s therapy, you are limited to only talking through issues. Many therapists do not have any experiential tools to offer.

    Relationship coaching for couples, however – especially if it is somatically-based or experiential – offers tactile practices that help overcome challenging dynamics in a relationship. They can also work to intensify intimacy and attachment, and provide tools for relationship repair during challenging times.

  • Research shows that online therapeutic sessions are as effective as in-person ones. They even come with a whole set of additional benefits like:

    1. ACCESSIBILITY. There are plenty of physical barriers to accessing in-person professional help. Online sessions help sweep these geographic hurdles aside. Distance is no longer a barrier. There is someone ready and waiting to help you at the click of a button.

    2. TIME. In our hectic lives, ‘me time’ can be hard to come by. You might have a frantic schedule and work irregular hours. Or perhaps you’re a single parent or a carer who’s always racing against the clock. Online sessions fit comfortably around your schedule.

    3. PRIVACY. For some, online therapy offers a comforting sense of privacy. Plus there are plenty of security measures in place to protect your privacy online.

    4. HOME COMFORTS. Let’s face it: opening up and talking about how we’re really feeling can be tough, vulnerable and exposed. But, sometimes, it’s the little things that make it easier. Many folks feel more comfortable opening up online than in person. It may feel less daunting. Or perhaps you’d feel more at ease if you could snuggle up on your sofa with a cozy pair of bedroom slippers.

  • A relationship coach is someone who supports individuals and couples in learning vital skills for relating, especially in marriages and romantic partnerships. Relationship coaches teach you to develop conflict resolution skills and offer tools to deepen intimacy and pleasure.

  • In the broadest sense, a sexologist is someone who studies or researches sex. However, the term sexologist is also used to describe someone who works in a private or group practice. They are engaged in helping people resolve sexual issues and challenges, much like a sex therapist – though there are some differences

  • First off – it’s vital to know that sex coaching does not involve sex. Practitioners always keep their clothes on – the only professionals legally allowed to have sex with clients are sexual surrogates – and you must be in treatment with a sex therapist to see a surrogate legally.

    That being said, experiential sex coaches can use hands-on methods to teach sexual skills. They can also practice certain types of touch and seduction, within legal boundaries. For example, a sex coach can teach arousing types of touch for the body, physical disinhibition, and passionate touch.

  • Intimacy Coaching is INTIMATE. It’s really important that we click. Before starting our first session, we will meet for a short introduction call (free of charge) and see if we suit and want to work together.

    If I’m not able to support you, I will do my best to suggest other skilled practitioner who potentially can.